How to be a coveted and popular web.journal personality.

Have at least one mental disorder.
Several would be preferable.

Damaged goods = more pathos.

Have a domain of your own.
Free web space is for proles.

Speak in short phrases
so they'll seem poetic
Even though they're really
not.

Lots of line breaks will help.

Color words randomly.
so they seem to have more impact
But really
don't.

Sense a trend?

Be a girl.

Have lots of guy fans.

Wonder if you're pretty.

Do everything you can to make sure people tell you that you are.

Ignore those who praise you.
Flame those who don't.

Have links that lead to pages that make sense
only to you.

You'll seem sensitive.

You'll seem artsy.

Even though, quite possibly, you're neither.

Have a cam.

Be naked on the cam.

Invite them to look.
Condemn them when they do.

Remember: they're perverts for looking.
You're not a pervert for posing.

It's all their fault.

You are not guilty.

I'm not talking about you or me.

No, of course not.

friggin' index